someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
