Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
