i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
