No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
