just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this just has baby written all over it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
