I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
