i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
