Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
