3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
