Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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