Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As shirtless as possible
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
