The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
