everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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