Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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