it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So squirting runs in the family.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
