come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
