i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
