What did we do last night that was yellow?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
