all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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