Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize