You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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