i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
