The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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