Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
