pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
