It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
