Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
