So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
