So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
