I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You made out with two different species that night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
