i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
