____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
