I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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