She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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