I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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