He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
