would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
