i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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