It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
