I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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