I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
