i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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