My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
