Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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