Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize