she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
