Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
