One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
