the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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