im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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