Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
