The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize