while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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