Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
