my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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