fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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