You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
