You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
