11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
