just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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