Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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