I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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