3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
