i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
