smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
As shirtless as possible
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
