After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
