So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
