Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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