From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
this is an emotional support booty call
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
