at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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