I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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