When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
