Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
