please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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