i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh god it's open bar.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
