Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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